So, last week there I was, happily walking home after successfully getting a new freelance job at this
mag, keeping an eye on any dubious looking types as I cut through the estate – the same estate that I cut through on my first day of the job and saw two separate cars getting broken into… but hey, it’s a paradise compared to
where Steve lives. Anyway, it’s also used as a cut-through for cars as it avoids hitting several traffic lights along the main road, and this is where my story both begins and ends - within seconds.
Opposite the ghetto-rundown-petrolstation-converted-hand-carwash-type-thing, in the dead centre of the busy road was what looked like some pigeon-dove hybrid. It wasn’t ugly enough to be a pigeon, yet not pretty enough to be a dove… but what it was, was completely oblivious to its impending DOOM. I mean, I don’t know how much credit we should give birds, they certainly know
where to aim when relieving themselves - but this one had a death wish.
I admit, I slowed my pace a bit when I noticed the bird meandering the dotted lines of the road, narrowly missing cars again and again and again, and not once giving as much as a flinch… After about the seventh time of the little feathered fella’s head nearly got introduced to the tire tread of some car I decided it was about time I go save the day and chase it out of the road. It had already made it to the other side of the road once and then decided to venture out to the middle again, just for giggles. Deciding to do my good deed of the day, I stop and wait for a good opportunity to step out without getting squashed myself. I look right, all is clear. I look left, there’s one car approaching fast, followed by a gap. Then I notice the car’s path, and the position of the pigeon-dove beast… oh dear.
The sound of a thousand tiny itty-bit bones being simultaneously shattered echoed through my body… it made me feel sick, I’ve never heard a crunch that hard before. I slowly turned away and walked on a bit stunned, like nothing had happened… of course, that didn’t really work too well as the wind blew the feathers along with me for the majority of the road’s length…
How’s that for a first post? Of course, I could now get all poetic on your behinds and say that this is just an expression of how I feel today. But I’m not that
gay.
